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A Very Puzzled Blonde
John gets a distressed phone call from his very blonde girlfriend Buffy.
"I've got a problem," says Buffy.
"What's the matter?" asks John.
"Well, I bought this jigsaw puzzle, but it's too hard. None of the pieces fit together and I can't find any edges."
"What's the picture of?" asks John.
"It's of a big rooster," replies Buffy.
"All right," says John. "I'll come over and have a look."
So he goes over to Buffy's house and she greets him by saying, "Thanks for coming over." Buffy leads John into her kitchen and shows him the jigsaw puzzle on the kitchen table.
John looks at the puzzle and then turns to her and says, "For heaven's sake, Buffy, put the cornflakes back in the box."

Bad Psychology

A very shy guy goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman sitting at the bar.
After an hour of gathering up his courage he finally goes over to her and asks, tentatively, "Um, would you mind if I chatted with you for a while?"
She responds by yelling, at the top of her lungs, "No, I won't sleep with you tonight!"
Everyone in the bar is now staring at them. Naturally, the guy is hopelessly and completely embarrassed and he slinks back to his table.
After a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and apologizes. She smiles at him and says, "I'm sorry if I embarrassed you. You see, I'm a graduate student in psychology and I'm studying how people respond to embarrassing situations."
To which he responds, at the top of his lungs, "What do you mean $200?" 

For Women Only

Few women listened about the groom shopping plaza where they 

can buy a groom for them

So they start going up, and on the first floor the sign reads "All the men here have it short and thin" ....the friends laugh and without hesitation move on to the next floor. The sign on the Second floor reads "All the men here have it long and thin".

Still, this wasn't good enough so the friends move up to the third 

floor, where the sign read "All the men here have it short and 

thick". This was still another disappointment, but knowing there are 

still 2 floors left, they move on to the next floor.

On the Fourth floor, the sign was perfect. "All the men here have it 

long and thick" The women get all excited and are going in when 

they realize that there is one floor left.

Wondering what they were missing, they go to the Fifth floor, 

where the sign read "There are no men here. This floor was built 

only to prove that there is no way to please a woman" 

10 Husbands, Still a Virgin

A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands.
On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."
"What?" said the puzzled groom.
"How can that be if you've been married ten times?"
"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative: he kept telling me how great it was going to be.
Husband #2 was in software services: he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.
Husband #3 was from field services: he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.
Husband #4 was in telemarketing: even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.
Husband #5 was an engineer: he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.
Husband #6 was from finance and administration: he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.
Husband #7 was in marketing: although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.
Husband #8 was a psychologist: all he ever did was talk about it.
Husband #9 was a gynecologist: all he did was look at it.
Husband #10 was a stamp collector: all he ever did was... God! I miss him! But now that I've married

you, I'm really excited!" 

"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?" 

"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm gonna get screwed!"

A Really Bad Day

There was this guy at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like 

that for half of an hour.

Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes 

the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man cry."

"No, it's not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, 

and I go late to my office. My boss, outrageous, fires me. When I 

leave the building, to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police said that they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home, and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away."

"I go home, and when I get there, I find my wife in bed with the .

gardener. I leave home, and come to this bar. And just when I was 

thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my 

poison.

The bride tells her husband

The bride tells her husband, "Honey, you know I'm a virgin and I don't know
anything about sex. Can you explain it to me first?"
"OK, Sweetheart. Putting it simply, we will call your private place 'the
prison' and call my private thing 'the prisoner'. So what we do is: put the
prisoner in the prison.
And then they made love for the first time.
Afterwards, the guy is lying face up on the bed, smiling with satisfaction.
Nudging him, his bride giggles, "Honey the prisoner seems to have escaped."
Turning on his side, he smiles. "Then we will have to re-imprison him."
After the second time they spent, the guy reaches for his cigarettes but
the girl, thoroughly enjoying the new experience of making love, gives him
a suggestive smile, "Honey, the prisoner is out again!"
The man rises to the occasion, but with the unsteady legs of a recently
born foal.
Afterwards, he lays back on the bed, totally exhausted.
She nudges him and says, "Honey, the prisoner escaped again."
Limply turning his head, He YELLS at her, "Hey, its not a life sentence,
OKAY!

Girls night out

Two women friends had gone out for a Girls Night Out, and had been decidedly over-enthusiastic on the cocktails. Incredibly drunk and walking home they suddenly realized they both needed to pee. They were very near a graveyard and one of them suggested they do their business behind a headstone or something. The first woman had nothing to wipe with so she took off her panties, used them and threw them away. Her friend however was wearing an expensive underwear set and didn't want to ruin hers, but was lucky enough to salvage a large ribbon from a wreath that was on a grave and proceeded to wipe herself with it. After finishing, they made their way home.
The next day the first woman's husband phones the other husband and said, "These damn girls nights out have got to stop. My wife came home last night without her panties." "That's nothing," said the other. "Mine came back with a sympathy card stuck between the cheeks of her butt that said, 'From all of us at the Fire Station, Well never forget you!'

Poor guy

A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed. 
He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife:
"Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck." If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."
To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any Vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!"

Birthday Present

A wife decides to take her husband to a strip club for his birthday.
They arrive at the club and the doorman says, "Hey, Dave! How ya doin'?"
His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before.
"Oh, no," says Dave. "He's on my bowling team."
When they are seated, a waitress asks Dave if he'd like his usual and brings over a Budweiser.
His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says,"How did she know that you drink Budweiser?"
"She's in the Ladies' Bowling League, honey. We share lanes with them."
A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her arms around Dave, and says "Hi Davey. Want your usual table dance, big boy?"
Dave's wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club.
Dave follows and spots her getting into a cab. Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her. He tries desperately to explain how the stripper must have mistaken him for someone else, but his wife is having none of it. She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs, calling him every name in the book.
The cabby turns his head and says, "Looks like you picked up a real bitch tonight, Dave."

Church Bells

On hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparent's house to visit her 95 year old grandmother and comfort her.
When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied, "He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning."

Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that 2 people nearly 100 years old having sex would surely be asking for trouble.

"Oh no, my dear, " replied granny. "Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even. Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the Dong."
She paused, wiped away a tear and then continued, "And if that damned ice cream truck hadn't come along, he'd still be alive today!"

 Last Day on the Job

It was the mailman's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighborhood.
When he arrived at the first house on his route he was greeted by the whole family there, who congratulated him and sent him on his way with a big gift envelope.
At the second house they presented him with a box of fine cigars.
The folks at the third house handed him a selection of terrific fishing lures.
At the fourth house he was met at the door by a strikingly beautiful woman in a revealing negligee.
She took him by the hand, gently led him through the door, and led him up the stairs to the bedroom where she blew his mind with the most passionate love he had ever experienced.
When he had had enough they went downstairs, where she fixed him a giant breakfast, eggs, potatoes, ham, sausage, blueberry waffles, and fresh squeezed orange juice.
When he was truly satisfied she poured him a cup of steaming coffee.

As she was pouring, he noticed a dollar bill sticking out from under the cup's bottom edge. "All this was just too wonderful for words," he said, "but what's the dollar for?"
"Well," she said, "last night, I told my husband that today would be your last day, and that we should do something special for you. I asked him what to give you."
He said, "Fuck him, give him a dollar."
The lady then said, "The breakfast was my idea."

The Tiger

A couple was on their honeymoon, lying in bed, about ready to consummate their marriage, when the new bride says to the husband, "I have a confession to make, I'm not a virgin."
The husband replies, "That's no big thing in this day and age."
The wife continues, "Yeah, I've been with one guy."
"Oh yeah? Who was the guy?"
"Tiger Woods."
"Tiger Woods, the golfer?"
"Yeah."
"Well, he's rich, famous and handsome. I can see why you went to bed with him."
The husband and wife then make passionate love.
When they are done, the husband gets up and walks to the telephone.
"What are you doing?" asks the wife.
The husband says, "I'm hungry, I was going to call room service and get something to eat."
"Tiger wouldn't do that."
"Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?"
"He'd come back to bed and do it a second time."
The husband puts down the phone and goes back to bed to make love a second time.
When they finish, he gets up and goes over to the phone. "Now what are you doing?" she asks.
The husband says, "I'm still hungry so I was going to get room service to get something to eat."
"Tiger wouldn't do that."
"Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?"
"He'd come back to bed and do it again."
The guy slams down the phone, goes back to bed, and makes love one more time.
When they finish he's tired and beat. He drags himself over to the phone and starts to dial.
The wife asks, "Are you calling room service?"
"No! I'm calling Tiger Woods, to find out what the par is for this damn hole.

Baluchistan A Brief History and US, Indian role in Baloch insurgency

Baluchistan

A Brief History and US, Indian role in Baloch insurgency

Baluchistan is known to be the largest province and one of the four provinces of today's Pakistan. The British Empire on October 1, as paramount power in the region reached a security agreement with the princely state of Kalat which was ruled by the Khan of Kalat 1887 but the kingdom retained its sovereignty in all other respects. In 1947, when Pakistan became independent, 

Pakistan signed a standstill agreement with the state of Kalat (a land-locked state surrounded by Pakistani territory and covering 23% of the territory of the current province of Balochistan) which recognized its autonomy and sovereignty, subject to future negotiation of the relationship. However, both houses of the Kalat parliament had asserted independence in 1947 and the Khan subsequently acknowledged that he had no right to accede to Pakistan's demand for annexation which he said he had only done under the threat of military force. Since then, a number of separatist groups in the province have engaged in an armed struggle against the Pakistani government; 

the first was led by Prince Karim Khan in 1948, and later by Nawab Nowroz Khan in 1968. These tribal uprisings were limited in scope, a more serious insurgency was led by the Marri and Mengal tribes between 1973 and 1977. All these groups fought for the existence of a "Greater Balochistan" — a single independent state ruled under tribal jirgas (a tribal system of government) and comprising the historical Balochistan region, found within Iran, Pakistan and Afghanistan. In 2005 there was another struggle to achieve these aims, in 2006, the Pakistan army killed Nawab Akbar Bugti, the man they blamed for the violence. 

Although Bugti had been proclaimed an offender by former president Pervez Musharraf he has become a hero for separatists..However he is accused of devouring federal funds for the development of the province, as well as gas royalties, and was also accused of operating unauthorized jails and dungeons in his territory.

In a tit for tat move, the Pakistani government has started preparations to provide proof of US and Indian intervention in Balochistan to the Parliament House and parliamentary committees following the introduction of a resolution on Balochistan in the Untied States Congress. 

Highly reliable sources privy to the development say the US has been active for a long time to encourage Baloch separatist elements gain independence from Pakistan through the help of India, which is playing the lead role. 

Former president Pervez Musharraf had also raised the point with US officials in September 2007. According to a memo, he had asked the US to intervene on “the ‘deliberate’ attempt of Kabul and New Delhi to destabilize Balochistan.”

Musharraf told officials that Pakistan had proof that India and Afghanistan were “involved in efforts to provide weapons, training and funding for Baloch extremists through Brahamdagh Bugti and Baloch Marri, two Baloch nationalists, who were living in Kabul.”

“We have letters instructing who to give what weapons [and] to whom,” he said.

Sources said the government, in order to avoid further tensions in relations with the US and India, kept silent in the past over the interference of the two countries in Baluchistan and the Federally Administered Tribal Areas (FATA), but that now it has decided to take the parliament into confidence with solid proof. For this purpose, sources said, special briefings would be given to the relevant parliamentary committees. 
Sources said the government was also mulling the option of launching a diplomatic offensive by raising the issue of foreign intervention in Balochistan at various international forums. 
They said the United States had been encouraging India to strengthen its spy network in Afghanistan by helping it open consulates along the Afghan border with Pakistan. Sources said the consulates were being used as bases of Indian intelligence agency, Research and Analysis Wing (RAW). 
“Through these centers, RAW is openly extending financial and material support to the anti-state elements in Balochistan,” sources said, adding that the US government was also partly financing some militant groups. 

The US has been pressing Pakistan to allow it to open a consulate in Quetta and deploy CIA staff there under the pretext that Washington needs to keep an eye on the so-called Taliban-linked Quetta Shoora. However, the government, fully aware of the US intentions, did not allow the US to open a consulate in Quetta, sources said. 

They pointed out that when Shahzain Bugti, the grandson of slain Baloch leader Nawab Akbar Bugti, was arrested by the Frontier Constabulary in Quetta; he first of all contacted the US Embassy in Islamabad. They said the incident was a clear proof that the Americans were in league with the separatist elements in Baluchistan and were providing them arms and finances to achieve their nefarious designs against Pakistan.

Common mistakes in resume and curriculum vitae

Common mistakes in resume and curriculum vitae

 “Resume is key, in your hand to open job door”

Once fresh under graduate enters his final year, he starts searching for internship and then job. For this purpose he writes resume and send it to employers. He faces following challenges:

What is difference between CV and Resume?

What are elements?

What is structure of CV / resume?

Is there any sequence in CV/resume?

What are dos and don’ts of CV / resume?

Majority of students also don’t know the difference between CV and Resume. Hence, forwarding same designed paper (CV or Resume) to all the places. Even they do not change or correct it once they are in professional job. This is because they do not know about above mentioned questions. In this article we will try to answer these and other confusions about this. 

Curriculum means course of life. While resume means summary of your academic and work history. It means that CV represents over all professional and academic details of person.

CV has following elements

Personal information:

This section contains full name, date of birth, contact information (email, phone numbers, and address), gender, father’s name, Passport or national ID card number.

Educational details:

Formal education with reverse chronological order i.e. highest degree on top, with passing year, GPA/grade/division obtained, institution name. mention major subjects for each degree, if applicable.

Job experience details

Work experience in reverse chronological order with service period (start and end date), summary of role and responsibilities, achievements obtained during job.

Certificates and accreditations:

Professional certifications done, affiliations and memberships of professional organizations and bodies.

Workshops and seminars:

Workshops and seminars attended or conducted either strengthen career or serving society with outline of workshop, venue, dates, participants attended.

Skills and expertise:

Skill is ability or talent to do task or work.  Mention skills in their respective category i.e. technical (sub category as per profession. e.g. analysis and design, object oriented programming are few examples of programming skills)

Research work:

Do mention any published or research work done in career with details. If its publish work mention year of publication and organization where it got published with web link or url.

Other information: mention as appropriate like organization found, volunteer work. Charity work. Show organizer.

Resume has following elements

Personal information: it only has name, contact information.

Educational details: mention undergraduate (bachelors) and above, degrees obtained in reverse chronological order with year of passing and grades scored.

Job experience: job title with role and responsibilities in reverse chronological order.

Skills and expertise: skills with their proficiency level and expertise with area or in tool.

Research work: published research work with summary and publication details.

Now, after understanding difference and elements of CV and resume, the question arises; when to use what? Send resume if it is not stated in advertisement of job. Normally CV is mentioned in the advertisement if required. Govt. and research organizations generally require CV and also ask photocopies of all relevant documents. 

Common mistakes done are:

Missing elements: missing means do not writing elements or incomplete details in any section make you qualify the dropout list.

Sequence: sequence of elements matters a lot. Use proper template and add information in logical sequence as per job requirements.

Over killing with too much details: writing detailed sentence just to over emphasize on any element.

Under killing with less details: only mentioning titles or headings. This also does not give any idea about your skills and expertise.

Contradictions: putting information that contradicts. e.g. mentioning graphics course while applying for network admin job.

Typo mistakes: spelling mistakes and punctuation errors.

Lack of focus: contents mentioned in cv/resume lack focus. Too many specialties, experience and expertise mentioned in way that lacks over all focus which may help for job.

General rules of thumb are stated to summarize the topic. 

CV and resume are projection of you. If it is complete, your image will also be complete and will make your path for job. And if it is incomplete, contradictory and others, it will not make you qualify for next level of hiring process. Remember CV is key, to open job door!

Starting A Home Based Business? - Avoid These 6 Costly Blunders

Home Based Busniess

A lot of people would like to start an internet home based business. However, many people do not know where to start.

Starting a home based business can be overwhelming and confusing for the inexperienced. The fact that there are a lot of 'business opportunities' on the internet does not make it any easier.

You can easily succeed with your home based business if you just avoid some common mistakes which people make. 

So what are some of the common mistakes that people who are starting ahome based business usually make?

 

No Plans & objectives. A lot of people start their business with no plans, and this is a very costly mistake. It is important to take the necessary time and effort to plan the business and clearly state the objectives you intend to achieve. Some people start their home based business like a hobby and treat it like one. Do not expect to make millions with your online home based business if you treat it like a hobby. 

Reinventing the wheel. Some people starting a home based business make their learning curves very hard and long. The internet is full of proven money making business models. You can succeed easily by identifying the business type that you would like to have your home based business focused on, try to find someone who has succeeded with that business and learn from them, and duplicate what they have done to succeed. It is also important to have the necessary support network, which can be a relevant forum where you can learn more about running your home based business successfully.

Thinking that you can make money overnight. This is a common misconception which people have, which is also the reason why many people fail and give up easily. Your online home based business is like any other business - you will need to apply the necessary effort and dedication to make it work.
Believing that your online home based business doesn't need any capital. This is another very common misconception. If you think you can start and develop a home based business without spending a dime, you are misleading yourself.

Be prepared to spend some money to get all the resources you will need to develop your business. Although it varies with the type of the home based business you want to set up, you would need some initial resources that you have to invest in the business. This can be for setting up your website, just as an example. You may also need to buy some resources to make your online home based business fully set up.

No market study before creating a product or starting the business. Yet another very common mistake. For your home based business to succeed, you will need to have a market for whatever you will be offering. Demand for your products is the most important factor that determines the success of your home based business. A market study on the current market size and future potential of the product or service is therefore very important. 

Lacking focus and commitment. Your online business will need a lot of effort for it to succeed, especially during the first two years. You must therefore be prepared to give your business your total commitment.

If you avoid the 6 mistakes outline above, you will succeed with your home based business.